Mini Reviews

[HereComesPete]

If I paid £25 for TeeF alone, I'd be happy - 9/10

If I paid £25 for portal alone, I'd be really happy. (I'm not sure how many times I've said its fucking genius, so there's another one) - 10/10 (the early issues with caek shortage aside)

I enjoyed ep1, didn't really push it as far as I'd like, but it's still very nice, and very necessary for the story. 8/10

Ep2, a few really zomg!! wtf! moments to be had. I had to re-do the defendy bit loads of times because I got an auto-save after I had wedged my car in between a rock and a tree, took about 8 attempts to finish it. 9/10

As it is, I was debating terry's snatch (see what I did there!) and Berk went 'buy it foo', and I was all like 'no way man, this shit is expensive' and berk was like 'woah man, cold gotta be, this shit is fo' real' and I went 'hells yeah, this shit be mine', and I bought it.

Sorry, not really sleeping for a few days does this.

[tandino]

The Orange Box
Four of the best games ever for £25.

If you've not bought it yet, do. NOW.

SIR YES SIR!

Bought today and I've been playing Peggle for the last hour or so while other stuff is 'loading.

[buzzmong]

Mini-review time go:

Alpha Prime

Purchased via steam, it was budget price (under a tenner).


Pros:
It's fairly pretty, nothing special, but lots of shaded effects like Doom 3.
It killed a few hours.
Will run alright on older machines


Cons:
Poor story, AI, extremely tired and linear level design, difficulty curve, weapons are a bit...pointless outside of 1) machine gun 2) Shotgun for when you run out of machine gun ammo and 3) Pansy-arse sniper rifle.
Bit buggy in places (didn't crash however). The jeep is impossible to control.
The outside bits have less gravity as you're on a low atmosphere asterioid, however, falling damage doesn't take this into account which lead to more than one death.


Summary:
Money that could have been better spent on alcohol/food.
Also the demo is the most polished levels of the game.

3/10

[FatherJack]

Empire Earth III

Rather disappointing, the previous game is actually better and more fun to play even now. There are less 'ages' and the only real addition is a campaign mode where you capture regions on a rotatable globe. The "story" just seems to give up after a few rounds, and too many objectives are bugged to impossibility or very near it, meaning you need units in place before timers start.


Crysis

Haven't bothered with MP, as I had my fill of that with the beta. SP is rather reminiscent of Halo, but like Far Cry is nowhere near as easy.

As you survive a fall in almost exactly the same way as Master Chef in H2/3, you start in the water and your Far Cry memories come flooding back: because you're still on that fecking island.

Perhaps things are easier if you use your suit powers more - like in the intro movie where you shoot out the tyre of a jeep which rolls, you duck under it then throw it at your enemies.

Some hope of actually doing that in the game, when I wasn't constantly running out of ammo, or being told to "use grenades to take out the checkpoint" when the game had given me three grenades, total up to that point, and had instructed me to use them at the previous checkpoint, I was emptying round after round into bastard enemies that just wouldn't die.

Okay headshots were usually fatal, but the guns so innacurate that you were close enough to punch them before you could reliably get one.

Stealth last approximately long enough for you to get somewhere where you are completely surrounded by enemies, and changing suit modes uses a HUD rose, which is far more clumsy than just pressing a button.

Cars are as controllable as supermarket trolleys and usually explode if you chip the paintwork. Buildings tended to fall down in installments, usually on you.

The jungle is well drawn, and you certainly get to see it up close as you scrabble around after killing every enemy trying to find some ammo hidden in the fronds.

[Stoat]

Beats - PSP
£/$5 (Playstation Store download only)
Requires Firmware 3.71+ (including Custom firmware)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beats_%28video_game%29

A bit like DDR, but with your own music. Also features music sharing and creation.

Pros:
Works with any music stored on your Memory Stick. Including I Love Horses and Raffi's Bananaphone.
Looks quite pretty. It goes a bit Geometry Wars in Overdrive mode.
When it works, it works very well.
Online multiplayer.

Cons:
You might have to expose people to your awful taste in music.
Square and Circle and pink and orange respectively. A bit difficult to tell apart.
Sometimes it just doesn't match anything that's happening in the song.

Summary:
I wasn't expecting much from this, but it's a little like Tetris in that you play for ten minutes and find that two hours have passed. Bargain.



edit: Holy shit, this thing eats time.

[buzzmong]

Sin Episodes - Emergence

Short and fairly sweet actually for an action romp. Comes free with Sin 1 and it's expansion when purchased via Steam.

On it's own, it's not bad, some nice concepts, plays fairly well. It could have done with more than 3 weapons, some sections are mean to get through, but for a pure fps action romp s'not bad, just rather short.

I suspect if Ritual hadn't have been sold on (and key employee's leaving at the time), bits would have been added in the other 8 episodes, which would have probably made up a great game when played together.

Shame really, as Ritual made some rather good games, they'll be missed.

Emergence when compared to SiN1, doesn't hold a candle to it I'm afriad, the first game was much more FUN, had more interactivity in the environment (which nearly everything could be played with), more guns, more enemies, just not as shiny gfx.

:starfull::starfull::starfull::starhalf::starempty::starempty::starempty::starempty::starempty: 4.5 / 10.

[spoodie]

Sin Episodes - Emergence

I couldn't get on with the SiN1. The gameplay was quite good but I'm a graphics whore so it put me off. Also it slightly suffered from "fault" that many old game have, it requires more commitment and is less forgiving than more recent games.

[Hehulk]

Sins Of A Solar Empire

Space based RTS game, in a similar sort of niche as homeworld 2, but shinier. You control one of a possible eight empires, chosen from three factions, trying to lay claim to an area of space. This can range from a small solar system with 12 planets/astroid belts/wormholes to 5 systems with 110 planets/astroid belts/wormholes.

I aquired a copy of this recently, and spent about 30 hours or so playing the multiplayer against AI and did enjoy it quite alot, but somehow at the end of it, I put the game down, went back to playing eve/teef/soup, and I've not touched it since.

Graphics are nice, and it's fun controlling maxed out fleets (there's an upper limit cap of 2000 points, different ships costs different points, maximium being capitals at 50), but I can't see it holding anyones attention for especially long .

Because of that, I'd say it's average, ok, nothing especially wrong with it, but not massivly complelling to keep replaying. Also, there's no campaign.

5/10

[Lateralus]

God of War: Chains of Olympus (PSP)
Played about 10 minutes of this having swept it knowing nothing about it other than it was supposedly win. So far it appears to be Devil May Cry for the PSP. Hence, win.

[HereComesPete]

Is that the pspification of the ps2 version where you played a hard ass dude with big swords and massacred all kinds, then the next to last boss was fucking solid and kept killing your missus when you finally (if you ever) beat him you had to fight an even harder dude who was easier to read in terms of patterns, but you just didn't damage him. That game was win, see also - shadow of the colossus.

[Lateralus]

It is the PSP version of PS2 games, but it's a purpose-built game and not a port. However, I never played the original so can't make comparisons. I think spoodie or someone said they were getting it too.

[Stoat]

How hard is it? If I want RAGE I can just try to write a letter in OpenOffice, so if it's megahard I'm not interested.

Actually, where is the demo for this? Are Sony being retarded again?

[Lateralus]

Not sure how hard it is as I've not played much of it yet, but I'll give it a go soon and let you know.

[Gunslinger42]

Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops [PSP]
Bought this to hold me over until MGS4 (or at least GTAIV), but the amount I've been playing it I doubt it'll last another few days.
If you liked MGS3 and you like kidnapping people to use to your own ends, you'll like this. You take the role of Big Boss, who has retired from FOX and is attempting to recruit soldiers to help him in his fight through the game. Controls were a bit awkward at first, due to the PSPs shitty analogue stick, but I quickly got used to it. I haven't tried the multiplayer yet because it probably sucks.

[Baliame]

obviously, blue stuff are teh spoilery stuff

Assassin's Creed [PC]
Desmond Miles is kidnapped by [spoiler]future templars[/spoiler] who horse him to relive the memories of Altair I-Don't'Know-Who-The-Fuck, an assassin who [spoiler]got stripped off his rank[/spoiler] because he didn't suck his master's cock hard enough.

What I liked:
- Mostly freeroam environment
- You can stabbity stab stuff
- Good old Prince of Persia style swordfights
- Assassinations are fun
- Rather good graphics - Crysis can go suck on a cock with its DX10.

What I hated:
- Beggars.
- It's a fucking direct console port, they didn't even bother to change the controlling system ending up with a system where it takes a fucking hour to jump off one fucking ledge. (and this is a very downrating point here)
- Beggars.
- Some parts of the game heavily remind me of the classic Space Invaders.
- Beggars.
- Five minutes of unskippable cutscene even at the smallest action.
- Beggars.
- Assassinations would be fun if there was a variety in the goddamn obligatory sidequests which you have to complete before you get to it.
- Motherfucking beggars!!!

Sum: A game that would be nice to pass time with IF IT WOULDN'T BE A DIRECT CONSOLE PORT.

5.5/10

[Baliame]

Puzzle Quest [PC]

This doesn't feel right. I'm writing a review of a casual game here... Alright let's just get on with this. Puzzle Quest could be shortly summarized as "Bejeweled RPG with shocking multiplayer support". The game itself is around a big storyline, unusually big for a casual game, with the same repetitive element which the developers like to call "fighting", but I found "playing Bejeweled by taking turns" a more appropriate description. Obviously, if the game sucked I wouldn't write here... problem is that it's at least as addictive as Peggle. As fluffy as well, you'll probably need to have a rather high tolerance (if you whine about noobtube jumping faggetry, then you DON'T), or just be into furry porn to play it (and before you ask, I'm in the earlier)...

Pros:
- Well [s]copied[/s] designed [s]Bejeweled[/s] fighting system
- Worked-out storyline
- Lives up to actual RPG expectations, you level up, you have quests here and there, etc
- It actually keeps you occupied
- Quite a variety of enemies and "special abilities"
- Multiplayer mode available

Cons:
- Fluffy
- Variety means bullshit. It's all the same fight with a new picture on the right side
- Obligatory cheating AI, it probably analyzes and modifies the next gems stack before making a move
- Only two types of quests: "go to x[]" or "go to x[] and kill y[] z[]'s"

And I'm giving this more than Assassin's Creed, yes. It's not a sucky console port.

7/10

[Mr. Johnson]

Penny Arcade Adventures: On The Rain Slick something something Episode One.

Bought it on an impulse on steam, and was very pleasantly surprised.
It's basically a Point and Click/RPG, a bit like monkey island but with combat. (not very surprising if you consider Ron Gilbert worked on this)
You can create your own character in the beginning of the game, but the options are very limited, a nice touch is that your character appears in all the cutscenes as well (all dialogue and cutscenes is 2D) making it feel like you're an actual character rather than "the protagonist" like in most games. The RPG bit is basically that your character can upgrade his weapons (one uses his fists, the other a tommygun, and your weapon is a rake. yes, a rake.) So nothing special there. The combat however, is something i liked alot. It's turn-based, something i really really hate, but in this game they actually made it enjoyable. There's not much that i can say about it since it's really very simple and basically everyone can get his head round it, and this is helped due to the fact that you don't have too many items to choose from, i always hated having to carry 200 potions around in games like oblivion and the like, it's just not very practical.

All in all, if you like adventure games or Penny Arcade, give it a try, it's worth it and it's on steam.

Also;

[spoiler]the final boss is a Cthulhu-mime[/spoiler]

8/10

[Baliame]

Have to agree with all that Johnson says, except that it's not really turn based combat. Basically, you have a cooldown for each character, and when you attack, then you take turns doing it, but cooldown recharging is real-time, as well as if you wait long enough, your enemy will attack. You also forgot to add that the game features hardcore robot-on-fruit action, so it's worth every penny.

[Mr. Johnson]

:above: Have to agree with all that Johnson says, except that it's not really turn based combat. Basically, you have a cooldown for each character, and when you attack, then you take turns doing it, but cooldown recharging is real-time, as well as if you wait long enough, your enemy will attack. You also forgot to add that the game features hardcore robot-on-fruit action, so it's worth every penny.

ah, must've been to busy clicking on buttons to notice. oops.

[FatherJack]

Sounds like the battle system in Grandia, where your "turn" was the earliest you could act, but others could jump in if you were too slow. I think the Final Fantasies 7, 8 and 10 could be configured to not wait while you were in the menus, too with the ATB option.

Been meaning to check this out, since the titles I mentioned are favourites of mine, as is the PA site.